Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize