Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
