Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
