3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
