They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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