When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
