just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
