i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
