he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
