It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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