I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you had me at cake vodka
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
