I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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