Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
