Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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