I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
