That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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