It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
