it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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