just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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