White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
