I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize