birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
