either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
