you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
