I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
