respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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