dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
