I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
