I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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