Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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