There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
