and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
