proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
