Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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