Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
