i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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