Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just had sex on a roof
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
