The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
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