At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
