you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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