I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
nutella sex= disaster
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
