You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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