Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We need a shit load of segways right now
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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