It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I am one with the molecules
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
