So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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