I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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