need another drink. this is the easiest way
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
