dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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