her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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