Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
