Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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