I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
