The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
