He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize