my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
