so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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