i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
