Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
