A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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