If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
