she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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