There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
