Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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