theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
