i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I skipped work to stalk him.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
