i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
