Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
