Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
