i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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