biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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