I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
