blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
50% drunk capacity currently
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
