when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You don't make any sense
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