i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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