Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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