i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My breasts were aching with rage.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
