Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
