Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
