Just mADE A PArabola og urine
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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