barbara walters just said penis...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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