I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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