I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
