her vagine was all disorganized.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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