She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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