There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
