Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
