im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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