I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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