the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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