All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
