just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
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