they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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