I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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