I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
