you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
