Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
