Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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