There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
