I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
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