If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
