Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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