The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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