i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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