well I can't set my house on fire every night
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
