Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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