when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
