we have pet lesbian snakes
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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