it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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