I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she pinky promised me she was 18
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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