On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
