i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
