he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We are all done wearing pants today
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
