So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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