Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
