I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I need to stop coming to work sober
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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