Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Couch. On fire.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
