I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
